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Warped tortoise

Warped Tortoises "have had it with these moderator****ing snakes on this moderator****ing shell" and require 58 Slayer to kill.

It's da Cool Story, Bro!Edit

Originally the tortoises lived above-ground and were under the rule of the one with the spiky shell (he breathes fire!) The spiky one would often kidnap the princess of the mushroom people and command his minions to deal with any jumping plumbers who may try to rescue her.

Usually, the turtles(they weren't tortoises back then,) would get jumped on, hit from underneath a ledge, fireballed or just plain L33t H4xx0rr3d by the unstoppable force of Pretty Colours. But sometimes the turtles would be successful in their mission and cause the plumbers to scream "AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! MAMA MIA!" as they jump out of the screen and splatter on your house's floor.

Eventually, after many successful rescues, games of golf and go-kart races , the plumbers grew bored and began using the local sewage system as a means of quickly skipping all the jumping on turtles, ? box investigation and Magic Mushroom consumption. This lead to the plumber's mission being much shorter and left the turtles with nobody to harass. Curious as to where it would take it, one foolish turtle entered a warp pipe and somehow ended up in one of Prunescape's many sewers.

Fighting Warped TortoisesEdit

If you were to ask a plumber what the best way to kill a tortoise is, they'd probably tell you to jump on it and kick its shell at anything else that might get in your way. While practical, this method should not be attempted on Prunescape since most players are so fat they think fast food gives Agility experience, and therefore can not jump very high(Don't even try! You could seriously end up spending weeks at the Duel Arena Hospital, just lying with your eyes open...)

Plumbers might also suggest finding stars and using them to unleash the wrath of the PRETTY COLOURS. Again, this should not be attempted on Prunescape since the only things *s will do is cover up swear words and piss people off.

The first thing you must do before you can harm them is get to them. The dungeon in which they reside requires completion of the Path of Gloughrie quest. Then, if you attack one, you will realize that it is completely immune to your attacks and can not be killed. To get past this defence, you must use the crystal chime you got in the quest. The sound of the poorly played classical music will be so devastating that the tortoise's shell will change colour, indicating you can now harm it.

Since they are weak to slash attacks, the popular weapon to use on them is, of course, a snake. I suppose you could also range or cannon them(make sure they're vulnerable!) as they are not as powerful or even close to being as annoying as Warped Terrorbirds.

Worthwhile DropsEdit

Weapons and Armour

  • Dragon Spear(it aspears to be nothing)
  • Rune Spear(^@@I'M UR #1 FAN@@^)
  • Rune Pickaxe(I've got a rune to pick with you!) <----BAD PUN IS BAD!!
  • Rune Warhammer(good for alching, in Prunescape it's almost never hammer time...)
  • Mithril Platebody(this played body is a mith! Miths must be alched!)
  • Shield left half(lately Jagex has been releasing half-assed updates, this is the only one that is left)

Other Crap

  • 1-3 Brown Blastoise shells(do not pick up the "perfect" yellow ones)
  • Tangled toad's legs(I feel bad for those poor mutated zygomites , good for healing if you need it)
  • Tooth half of a key(bite my shiny metal adze!)
  • Loop half of a key(Loop-dee-doo!)
  • Court summons(Being a lawyer involves squishing turtles?! Prunescape is educational!)
  • Starved Ancient Effigy(Talk to this and your stats will be Eff-ed up!)

TriviaEdit

  • It is unclear what happened to the turtles after entering Prunescape, some believe they were nerfed upon entry. Others say that Guthix had a little fun with them.
  • Contrary to popular belief, warped tortoises are not teenage mutant ninjas
  • The politically correct term for "moderator****ing snake" is Jagex Apologist

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