Disclaimer: This article is a joke, but you knew that already amirite?
Last week, we were watching this cartoon on television about the future of Prunescape and how it will involve alcoholic robots as well as scary green people who date chinese girls and it really got us thinking: How can we make Prunescape better for the
community computer software that plays it?
After reading the forums (not the official Prunescape forums of course,) we noticed that a great deal of our macroing community was having problems with people who were banning. Yes indeed, those people who ban spoil the fun of the game for our valued customers so we at Fagex have decided to put an end once and for all to the banning and Farming that goes on in our game.
(Looking back at it now, having a Farming skill in our game was a really bad idea. How exactly are you supposed to bot that? It's such a pain.)
Next week, we are planning to launch our most formidable ban-busting weapon which we believe will wipe out 98% of the legitimate players seen in game. In other words: Fr33 St00fs
The project, code-named the "BotterApplauder" in which we will act as if we've banned all the bad botties even though we won't ban a single one and will really just be making it easier for them to get experience, will be launched as part of the game update on Twosday the 52nd of Boctober permanently preventing those "Achievement and Self-Satisfaction " players from playing again.
We anticipate that next Twosday will go down in PruneScape history as cock-sucking day. To implement this landmark event, we’ll be running a series of neverending bogus days from Twosday’s system update through to Rebecca Black's Frieday. Over the course of these events, botters will have the chance to gain triple XP in Slayer and additional points and rewards in some of our least popular D&Ds and minigames in a bot-friendly PruneScape:
Slayer skill day: All Slayer XP earned from botting assigned targets will be tripled. Some botters will have a faster respawn time.
Castle Wars day: Tickets earned from sitting on the winning team all game will be triple the usual amount.
Distraction and Diversion day: Bogus rewards will be given for the following distractions:
Penguin Hide & Seek: Double points. As well as some more fanservice for you-know-who (oh hang on, why aren't they botting too?)
Evil Tree: Triple XP. and one really pissed off Mother Nature
Botting Start: Triple XP while mining and increased final rewards (such as an autographed card from the staff reading "Kiss My Ass!" Note: this card is completely cosmetic and requires that you buy a 30 or 35 day gamecard.)
Familiarization: Botters will receive lucky charms AND the cereal box instead of having to choose (which is pretty awesome because now you don't "gotta have your bowl" when you "gotta have cereal.")
Penguin Hide & Seek and Familiarization will be reset on the day, so you can do them again if you have already done them that week. All other D&D limitations remain the same (e.g. only two Evil Trees a day).
Bot Wars day: Botters will receive triple the usual amount of zeal points.
These bonuses will run from midnight to judgement day (BST), with the exception of Twosday which will run from game update time until the end of time itself (BST). Unlike previous Bot-us XP events, these modifiers will not deteriorate and will remain constant for the durations stated above.
As promised we’ll be as transparent as possible in keeping everybottie updated on the status of our fight against bans and skiller farmers and, equally, as before we also ask of you to continue to do your part in helping and supporting too.
I look forward to seeing you out-of-game soon.
Chief Pain in the Ass and Doom of us all.