Salutations from your Glorious Dictator!
October is the month for SuperHappyFunkyJamDanceCommunityFun Parties as we celebrate Oktoberfest and Halloween! Because as we know there's no better way to do that than to stay home for hours and play a mindless grindfest filled with sociable bundles of pixels and murder at every corner. We also bring you our latest Grandmaster quest: The Shit Stinks Bad which will hopefully give questers something that isn't a 5 minute tutorial and isn't filled with ground-up shit and filler like every other update you'll be getting this month:
The Shit Stinks Bad
This month brings a conclusion to this year's only real quests: the shit that nobody cares about series! After leading a hand from unsightly companions through a merry dance of pest-fapping, promiscuous figures and energy draining poo, we're now faced with a real (lolwut? Nothing in RS is real!) threat of a full-on pest invasion, and you know what that means! This month, you'll be forced to play a game of Pest Control! Your reward? What the fuck, this isn't really a grandmaster quest. We just called it that to get your attention!
Requiring 80 Magic and 70+ in other "skills" these are the highest quest requirements we've ever added into the game! You'll need to RWT those levels(as long as you're paying us and not some moronic third-party organization,) if you're to overcome the simple mathematical equations and flowerful foes that stand between you and your goal of ultimate bigotry.
Charm Sprite Hunting
Also this month, we're introducing a new mechanic for getting Summoning exp without having to do combat: Summoning Bots! (Oops, those were already released in March, nevermind!) Following the recent exploration into the glitch-ed plane(which you would have been to if Pikkupstix wasn't changing his fucking position every 3.4 seconds.) The dire consequences of all the graphical glitching have emerged in the shape of... Well they're invisible(meaning we're not letting you see them yet, lol, aren't we clever?) But Yankee Doodle Fanta is the gnome to find out!(and lure to the wilderness.)
Skilled Hunters will be pleased to hear that they can head to the Foam Wrongbold and join in the capturing of Coke's new "warm Sprites" which can be converted into summoning exp and real life cash(ooh exploitable!) Skiller Failures Pures should note that this update will involve NO COMBAT(or skilling for that matter.)
Oktoberfest and Halloween
Perhaps you're interested in some community-run events inspired by the German Oktoberfest? No? Well, FUCK OFF!
You can also expect some monster trash this Halloween as Munchkin Meat is is served at the Grim Reaper's mansion as he attempts to Rick 'n' Roll you into becoming a roadie for his favourite band.
Make-Sex Improvements
Experienced players should note that, hopefully this month, there won't be any No-Update Weeks! I'm sure you'll all be pleasantly surprised to hear that instead of having those, we'll be giving the spotlight to certain updates which years ago, wouldn't even passed off as In-Other-News upgrades!
Postbag and Gallery
Ever since February, some players had been wondering what the hell had happened to the Postbag from the Hedge. Well now, more than half a year after the most recent postbag, we're finally getting off our asses and responding to the calls of ye players who dared present us with the connundrum "Does a broken lemon make bubbles?"
Hopefully, next time, there won't be as much of a delay, but knowing us, there will be.
Have Fun!(Because if you don't, I'm calling the Riot Squad!)
Mod Mark
Runescape Lead Designer and tester of all equipment imported from China.