Prince Ali Rescue is probably the first Quest you will ever do featuring that one npc named Ali. Jagex is so shit at creating npcs that they have to have one npc named Ali fulfill all the different npc roles in the village of Polivneach. However, this one npc whose existence is vital to the cycle of the universe has been kidnapped by a cocky slut named Lady Keli and she wants a ransom of over 9000 gp.

Will you rescue this stereotypically named prince who is never seen again later in the game? Or will you complain on the forums about how the Refer a Friend benefits bots and actually breaks the Rules of Runescape? The choice is up to you

With the release of the the name-changing update , this quest is now known as The NPC Formerly Known as Prince Ali Rescue

Quest DetailsEdit

Official Description - Hassan wants Prince back, Bots wanna RWT, Ranters want Andrew Gower back, and oh yeah, there's money at the end!

Released - 28 February 2001

Difficulty - None, if you're having trouble, the npcs will tell you what to do.

Length - As long as a fapper 's di... Er, relatively short

Requirements - None, it's Noob Friendly!

Items Required - Did I say this quest was Noob Friendly? I lied.

  • 3 balls of wool
  • 1 rope
  • Yellow Dye (2 Onions if you're going to make one.)
  • Bucket of Water
  • Ashes
  • Redberries
  • Soft Clay
  • Bronze Bar
  • Pink Skirt (can be bought at Thessalia's Clothing Store in Varrock)
  • 3 Beers (can be bought at bars)
  • Some coins

Stuff to kill - Your Prunescape Character's virginity


Go to Al Kharid Castle and talk to Hassan, he will say that Jagex is having financial troubles due to them having to hire more arabian npcs. He explains that Ali has been kidnapped by RWTers and that the only way to get him back is to release a terrible update called the Refer A Friend Program. He tells you that for more details on how to save Ali (and the game,) you should talk to the terrorist chief spy named Osman.

Talk to Osman and he will tell you that Ali is being held captive in a house east of Draynor Village. To save Ali, you will need a disguise for him, and a copy of the key to his cell.

The other recently hired npc named Leela can be found north of this house and will tell you more. She says that to make the key copy you will need to get an imprint of the original on some soft clay and take that (with one bronze bar,) back to Osman.

For the disguise you will need a blond wig, a skirt similar to the one worn by Lady Keli, and some skin paste to make Ali's skin smoother. (Yes I know that sounds ridiculous but keep in mind that the Jail Guards don't get out much and think all women look exactly the same.)


Go into Lady Keli house (with some soft clay, obtained by using water on clay,) and tell her that she is one of the best RWTers you have ever heard of. Then ask her if you can touch her "key" so that your grandchildren can start fapping when you tell them about it. Once this is done, take the imprint and one bronze bar to Osman and he will make you... a dildo copy of her key.


The items required for the disguise can be obtained as follows:

  • Rope: Can be bought from Ned in Draynor Village for either coins or 4 balls of wool
  • Wig: Made by Ned, you will need 3 balls for this (use shears on sheep, spin wool on spinning wheel, Q.E.D. ) Next, use yellow dye on the wig (yellow dye can be made by Aggie in exchange for 2 onions and some coins.)
  • Skin Paste: Talk to Aggie the witch in Draynor Village (stop fapping you bloody wanker!) requires redberries, bucket of water, and ashes.
  • Pink Skirt: Can be bought in Varrock

Finishing the Quest

Once you've got all the equipment for the rescue operation, there is only one thing left in your way: Joe the Jail Guard. Give him three beers and then take advantage of him. Now use your rope on Lady Keli and you will do things which are even more unspeakable. (To be specific, you "lay her " in the cupboard.)

Now open Ali's jail cell and talk to Ali. You will give him the disguise (he will ask if wearing Lady Keli's panties is really neccessary,) and then he will escape. Lady Keli will then come out of the closet and if you talk to her again, she will scream "RAPIST!" and her guards will all jump on you in a bloody orgy in which someone loses a finger.

Talk to Hassan again and he will be pleased that Ali is back. Unfortunately, Jagex went ahead and released the Refer A Friend program anyway so Runescape is fucked.

Anyways, here's 700 coins!


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