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in: Minigames, Massive Errors, URGENT

Mobilising Armies

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A message from comrade Gower

A message from our glorious leader

Mobilising Armies is a failed attempt at a minigame by Jagex that is based around moving your armies in pointless scenarios like sieges and rescues. What is amusing about the skill is that more time was spent developing it than it was actually used by players.

Development[]

Disclaimer: These BTS quotes may or may not contain BS and Dung if you wish to see the original boring quotes, click Here, oops, I mean Here

Mobilising Armies was first mentioned in the August 2008 Behind the Scenes:

"Naturally, we also have other PvP-orientated content, like Stealing Creation (a resource control game where pkers will fuck everything up with their ancients and skillers will have to play in private noncombat games in order to maintain their sanity) and Mobilising Armies (a real-time strategy game where you use your hard made bows, swords, etc. fire runes and maple longbows to equip your own armies in 4-player battles)"

Players who read this thought: "Wow, that sounds interesting..."


And then in the November 2008 BTS, it was confirmed that M.A. would come out in December:

"With any tactical game you need to spend a long time fine-tuning its different aspects to try to make it as fair, balanced and fun as possible, but we at Jagex usually don't care about that crap. Just look at Soul Wars and The Great Orb Project: those minigames suck epicly because the games are one sided and the outcome is usually decided in the first few minutes. Mobilising Armies, our headline update for December, is no different and we have been working hard to tweak the key scenarios for this: Conflict, Siege, Hoard and Rescue"

Since Stealing Creation was a pretty good minigame(no link to the bullshit page,) players now had pretty high expectations for Mobilising Armies.


But then when December came:

"We've reported before that we planned to release Mobilising Armies, our new tactical activity minigame, in December. We’ve found that although we could release it, we really want to take our time to make this the best update as hyped up as we can, so we made the difficult choice to hold onto it until next year. We’ve never ever tried to release a game like this before, and we want to make sure we get it right. So, you’ll have to wait a little longer for your gnomic glider bombers, pigeon messengers, dragons’ hoards and catapult attacks the notes tab, annoying waiting rooms, campers and the removal of Behind the Scenes."

-Mod Mark, the mod in charge of distracting you from what really fails in Runescape.

Players thought that since it was being delayed and hyped up so much, M.A. was going to be an epic minigame with awesome gameplay.


as the first few months of 2009 went by, players kept asking about the progress of Mobilising Armies, eventually Jagex got fed up and decided that the best way to deal with the hype is to remove BTS completely. This lead up to it being even more hyped up since it was now one of few updates that players actually knew was coming.


In June 2009, a developer blog was released in which our glorious leader told us to not expect much from Mobilising Armies because "in all honesty, this minigame sucks, Stealing Creation is much more fun!" (<---That quote may or may not have actually happened) and that Mobilising Armies was really just an experiment to see how certain game mechanics would work in Prunescape(meaning players would have to wait EVEN MORE for something awesome.) He also stated that M.A. would be released in the next few weeks.


Unfortunately this did not kill the hype and somehow made it worse.


On the 8th of July of 2009, Mobilising Armies was finally released and players thought "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?!" and wondered what a FunOrb game was doing in Runescape. They hated the gameplay and rewards and were only able to play the conflict scenario(aka the whoever camps the longest wins scenario.)

Some players were optimistic and appreciated the new spirit tree that made getting to the G.E. while not on the standard spellbook much easier(just use a duel ring et voila: You're at M.A.! Now use the spirit tree and... You're at merchclanland! Sweetness!)


On August 18 2009, the Mobilising Armies Polish update came out. At first, players thought

"What?! Mobilising Armies in Polish?!"

but it turned out to be an update that was meant to fix some of the flaws with M.A. Unfortunately, few players played M.A after its first week of release, and those who liked the game, went to FunOrb.

(Hope it's what you had in mind - Axers8)

Gameplay[]

First you'll need to actually find some other players to play this terrible game with you. This can be quite difficult since Mobilising Armies is usually deserted, even on its official world. There are Mobilising Armies clans out there who will help you cheat your way towards your goal of 300 rank. Sure this may be "against the spirit of the game" but who the fuck cares? It's dead anyway!

Even before starting this minigame, you will have to go through a stupid tutorial on some random island buy your own mob of personal slaves so that you can have them get killed by some other guy's mob of personal slaves. Sound familiar? Don't worry, none of your troops are human, they're either goblins, dwarves or elves, all of which, in the eyes of Jagex, have no souls and are to be treated as monsters.

What's the catch? You have to pay for them using a currency known as "investment credits" which are obtained by supplying the local npcs with items they will find useful such as unfinished bows, willow logs and MINDCRUSH runes. Once you're ready to play the game waste a few hours of your life, head down the ladder and pray to Gow that someone else will actually be there in the waisting room with you. Otherwise, this stupid game can't be started and you will be getting nowhere fast.

There are 2 possible ways to play Mobilising Armies:

  • Rescue: There is no saving this, Mobilising Armies is deader than Kenny McCormick

TIPS

  • In Conflict, he/she/it who attacks first loses. You'll see a lot of camping, it just isn't the same without that Miracle Whip
  • Heavy troops are stronger and have more HP than light troops. Heavy troops are also fat so don't expect them to be physically fit when it comes to mobility.
  • If you're down to only one light troop and your enemies have nothing but heavy troops, have it run away from their troops until time runs out. Not only is this challenging and fun but it will also piss off the noobs when they find out they can't win.
  • Elves easily beat Dwarves who easily beat Goblins who easily beat Elves(this isn't rocket science, it's rock paper scissors!)
  • The best Special Units to use are the Distractors or Cannons(BAMBAMSHOOT'EMUP!)

Rewards[]

By playing this terrible game you will eventually earn reward credits which can be used to purchase items from shops which you can only get to by playing even more Mobilising Armies! This game is a nearly endless grind. But unlike other nearly endless grinds, the rewards are not worthwhile in the least. Here's a list of the crap you can get by choosing to waste your time here:

  • Spoilers of War, gives the spoilers of every single Quest series and reveals to you that the Chaos Elemental's real name is Ms. Paint! Ha! You wish! Have some random junk we found lying on the ground instead.
  • Quest Kits and Locators, for people who don't have or have never even heard of a bank!
  • Army Uniforms, basically you get to do their laundry, but hey, there's PRETTY COLOURS involved!
  • Imbued rings, You just spent 30+ hours just to get an extra +4 strength bonus on your berserker ring. You sir, are an idiot!
  • Rank Prefix, While at M.A., players may call you "junior cadet" or "serjeant," everywhere else they'll call you "fail!"
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