This article is UnRunescape's version of this quest guide, for the highly vandalised Runescape Wiki version click here

(Oh what a orignal and creative name we thought up ~Mod John A)

"No band of petty nerfs and rushed quests can destory this game through its worst days — only the grand daddy of all suicidal updates."

Theses are the words that I photoshopped on the Azdaran Fragment whilst no one was looking. With the evenual madness that Free-trade/wildy judgement day with bring, or the catacysmic DDoS-fuelled nerd rage on steriods that will spawn from the nineth circle of hell if its isn't implyed, Jagex desided to cool the spam on Future Updates forum down with what they seem to love the most, God-Awful rushed quests. Ironicly this one contains a lot of protesting.

Quest detailsEditEdit

  • Start Point: -insert location that you just added and imply that everyone will know where it is-
  • Free/Members: -I'll leave this blank, for Captain Obvious to fill in-
  • Difficulty: Minus 12, you'd think they made this piece of crap with RPG-Maker
  • Length - Contains more useless talking to NPCs than all the Zelda/Final Fantasy games put together


  • 68 Mining, just another excuse for people to grind over iron ores
  • 70 Smithing, just another excuse for people to grind over iron bars
  • 77 Strength, just another excuse for people to grind over monsters that drop iron.
  • Forgiveness of a Chaos Dwarf, just another excuse for people to grind over quests that probaly have something to do with iron.
  • My Arm's Bizzare Adventure...wait wat?

Items NeededEdit

  • 6 Soft Clay
  • 6 Mithril bars
  • That Rune pickaxe you left in your bank 2 months ago, and can't find it amoung your 400+ item mess, even with the search button
  • A Quest cape in your bank.....otherwise theres no real point in doing this.


The quest starts off in a awkwardly hidden crack in the wall which Jagex just added today, and in their divine wisdom, didn't even give it any minimap icon or pointer, and just expected players to know where it was.

You have this random dwarf called Sven,who invites you into some lava mine that is never seen again for the rest of the quest, he blabbers on about it for exactly 17 seconds, until a badly drawn 8-bit spirte of a chaos dwarf in robes blows the place up. You then have to rescue the miners, after you "save" 2 of them, Oh great, the Black Guard is here....could you give me a h......"We are only here to repair the machines" ok well thats lovely, fuck you too. You find out that 2 of the dwarves died because of this, and you walk outside only to find half a dozen people from Recent Updates forum throwing rocks at the Black Guard. You find Veldaban being arrested, and you have to sit though 10 minutes of sanity-grinding dialoge, convincing Margret Thatcher, Pennybags and 2 no-namers into letting him go. As you walk outside your greeted by another angry mob, (probaly from Future Updates) being rallyed on by Mod Ma Hreidmar (Hes the old leader of the Red Axe, incase you forgotten)

After this, its 30 minutes of running around like a headless chicken for the keys to some Records Chamber in order to find the true king of the waste another 5 minutes on some simple trail-n-error puzzle that would require an IQ of 48 or higher to complete, thus preventing most players from entering. Well ok, the answer is "5-6-2 1-4-3" Meike reads the old text and...ok WTF? Turns out Hreidmar is the new King....


.......*click* BRB PHOTOSHOP CS4

You and veldaban now have to deal with possably the easiest boss in the Master Quest group, a Level 160 Colonel Gimsson with the accuracy of a Future Update forum prediction, and sits their attacking SOMEONE ELSE for half the fight, seriously jagex, I wasted my Chaotic rapier charges on that?? Also Gimsson does a runner, depsite being a DM. Your character somehow comes up with the idea of asking the Rants Forum to help fight the chaos dwarves. You run to the convently placed crack in the cave wall,which you will find "My Arm" "Big Rock" and "Pretty Flower" along with Jagex's crap humor of (item/NPC) confusion, you will successfully troll Pretty Flower into E-Rage by giving him a pink rose with a piece of paper taped to it reading "u mad bro?" and claiming it to be a "gift" from Colonel Gimsson. You also keep a useless boulder with a EXACT copypasta of the Strength Skillcape emote.

You and Veldaban will run back to the angry mob wanting to hear who the new king, Hreidmar waiting at the end looking forward to this....."And the Rightful heir to the throne is.....err.....Unregestered Hypercam 2" ...DAMN IT Blue Opal, stop reading this off youtube!!!, *ahem* "And the Rightful heir to the throne is....Veldaban?!?" "Surely Hriedmar??" "Nope it says Veldaban, look right here, in Comic Sans size 12 bold, over the obvious alteration of pixels [VELABAN,LOL]

Quest RewardsEdit

3 chucks of useless exp you don't really need

A bloody useless gravestone that has THE EXACT SAME timer as the Angel of Death, good for those who really want to blow another 500k just for a bunch of dwarf king heads laughing at everyone in GWD who are camping at Nex

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