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Impling casino
A fair bit of time ago, the fairies of Zanaris notice how all of their crops were having a bit of a mess-around. A crop circle would form, and after a bunch of brave stupid fairies decided to enter, they discovered a giant wheat maze with a badly made sign saying "WeLcoMe 2 pUro-PuRo" around the entrance and a ton of funny looking flying things hovering around like wasps on a loose end. However, the fairies stuck their badly animated noses in a little too far, and the funny looking flying things (now known as implings) turned hostile. The fairies were sworn at, stolen from, assaulted and unpolitely told to piss off.

Butthurt, the fairies were thinking about torching the place, and feeding the impling corpes to the Toads Zygomites which spend their entire time with their head in the dirt - literally. However, as they did so, a Dragon Impling decided to make a raid on Zanaris, spitting on a fairy before they shot a Ground-to-Impling missile at it, and as it died it dropped a stash of Dragon arrows on the floor, although one of them fell in the eye of the same fairy and killed her. When your number's up, your number's up.

This gave the fairies a plan. If they tell the adventurers these implings drop dragon items, they'll all go in with their nets and mash the shit out the place, which they are doing now, and is the reason I am writing this article.


The part which feeds Stormy's obsession with listsEdit

Just like Revenants and the Pee-Nance, there are many types of Implings which get ruined by the common or garden butterfly net.

Baby Impling: It's a flying moral panic - babies being captured by big nasty men and women. OH NOES!

Young Impling: This impling thinks it's Bart Simpson. Which shows how outdated Jagex's minds are.

Gourmet Impling: Known as the easiest impling to catch, this is due to it eating too much making it fat.

Earth Impling: The 'hard to describe' part of the article. And that's about as much as I can say on that.

Essence Impling: They were gonna call it the 'Magic Impling' but they had a little bit of creativity. Just a bit.

Eclectic Impling: AKA Filler Impling.

Nature Impling: The 'seed and herb' impling, this one thinks it's a hippy. According to Jagex and their mastery of examine texts.

Dragon impling

What happens when a Dragon Impling flies past you

Magpie Impling:
The impling that tosses Sinister Keys into the economy, problem is everyone forgets what the keys are for.

Ninja Impling: The world's shittiest ninja, because you can see it.

Pirate Impling: YARRRRRRRR!

Dragon Impling: The only source of dragon arrows and darts in the game. Without this impling your pjing with Dark Bows and range void would fail harder than an outdated boss. And also worth quite a lot of the gold coins as well, and you can make a right packet if you loot the arrows from this! So you buy a dragon impling jar, get mystic boots and...

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-...!

Later on, after improvements to the minigame, Jagex added 3 new implings. These were as follows -

Spirit Impling: Renowned for having the least imaginative examine text ever "an impling that likes spirit creatures", it's also RuneScape's most biased NPC. It will eternally avoid you like you're a question on the Recent Update FAQ. Until a lower level player comes along, at that point it rockets towards them for the easy netting.

Zombie Impling: The most stereotypical impling ever, it also is a total waste of time, requiring a higher level than a Dragon Impling, but being almost worthless. Ook ook.

Kingly Impling: The Big High Expensive Impling, this thing is a 2M cash pile with wings. Responsible for 72% of the BAWWWWWW in Puro-Puro, its also well known for the ability to obtain Royal clothing upon looting it, because when you loot this from the Kingly Impling Jar...um...you lose over a million coins. Currently, looting it results in a loss no matter what you get, which means there's going to be a king size krash when the klods on World 2 klock on that this imp is a load of krap.

So what makes Impetuous Impulses suck ass then?Edit

Because it's Jagex who made this place, you are gonna know pretty well its gonna drive you insane. And this is why.

  • The navigation is dreadful. There's no minimap, so you're going to have to click on the main game screen instead to move around. When it's a tight maze flooded with implings which have a large clickable area, you can see the potential problem here.
  • The maze has a mind of its own. So you've seen a Magpie Impling. It's straight ahead, so you Entangle the thing and charge forward. At that point a wall of wheat spawns in your way, the shit navigation means your character does a U-Turn, the entangle goes away and so does the impling.
  • The implings cheat. You have to push your way through the wheat slowly. The implings don't. Once again, you can see the potential problem here.
  • The implings are biased. Try all you like, sometimes you just can't catch those bloody implings. You'll shit yourself trying to catch that Kingly Impling, as you're 2M off that Bandos Godsword you always wanted, the things are gonna crash in price very soon, and there's no one else here currently. Fuck, the entangle splashed. Fuck, it flew away. Fuck, I didn't net it. What? A guy who autoed his 91 hunter here and he's half my combat level? And its flying right towards him! WHAT? HE CAUGHT IT?

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-...!


  • Oh, and did I mention the impling defenders that swipe the jars straight out of your inventory? That'll teach you to catch a Dragon Impling before anything else because you saw it as soon as you entered Puro-Puro.

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