On October 18th 2010, it was time for Jagex to released yet another
pathetic attempt to appeal to the eleven year old players of Runescape super neat Halloween event to Prunescape. What task did you have to complete for the event this year? Was it to bury the body of the Grim Reaper's "female aquaintance" that he had over for "dinner" last night? Was it to bring back Commrade Stalin Gower from the grave bushes behind the preschool next to the Jagex office? Nice try, but guess again! No no, dont worry....it has NOTHING to do with ripping off various Halloween stories and metal bands and degrading them all horribly because of the fact that they are now a part of Runescape.
No...not at all....
From the start of the event, you already knew it was gonna blow....You start off by talking to
Party Pete Postie Pete Pirate Pete Prison Pete Pious Pete Pumpkin Pete (yet again, Jagex couldn't be bothered to think of a creative and original name) and he tells you he needs YOUR, yes YOUR help! Go figure! You need to help set up a party for the Grim Reaper to cheer him up...this time of year he always seems to buy all the rope from the local Wal-Mart in Varrock and sit in his room upstairs, crying the night away. So you decide to go laugh at help Grim out and start off your journey by going to his mansion, which also doubles as a shelter for these lovely types.
Release The Hounds...And The Bad References
Once inside, you have about 0.9 seconds to turn off your area sound effects option before you slowly start to feel the urge to go to your local preschool and "take it out on the dog" (don't mind Andrew behind those bushes there). Now you see, Pete now assigns you to help out with the band that
are being held hostage have been cordially invited to play some LOVELY MUSIC for Grim's party! But alas they are all ****tards, so you got to set them straight.
First stop...let's help out the back up singers that have been constantly "singing" since your arrival to Mansion le' Grim...Praise Jagex for solving the age old problem "I want to hear crappy 8-bit wolf howls that would make even Stevie Wonder's face squinch every two seconds, but I'm scardey to go to white wolf mountain. What do I do?!" Never fear, Jagex is here! ....Long story short, if you don't turn off your sound effect volume in the time I recommended to you, the wolves are gonna give you quite the migrane..and an enjoyable downfall into the pits of insanity. You decide to not bother helping these dumbasses because you realise not even Guthix could fix their fucked up throats and you head on your way to help elsewhere.
Oooh lookey here...it's Grim! Hmm why does he have a big pile of ashes lines up on the table like that? Eh, he's probably just making halloween treats for the kiddies, what a swell guy! While talking to him he tells you
omgfplzgetmeanautographofjustinbeiberidluvu4everucanbmybfff!! how much he would appreciate an autograph from Ozzy Ozbourne Zabeth Corvid, who is currently hitting himself repeatedly with a hammer downstairs. However, Grim warns you that talking to him will give you a bigger headache than when you try to reason with Mod MMG, because somehow by drinking so much booze Zabeth traveled ten seconds into the future...
Andrew: Wait...WTF CUT! Who the hell came up with this?
Mod Emilee: I thought it would be cute...
Andrew: So your trying to say that by drinking booze, you can become a time traveller?
Mod Emilee: Sir I...
- grabs a glass of
root beerdwarfen stout*
Andrew: 1.21 GIGAWATTTTTZZZ!!!
Mod Emilee: Sir...are you ok?
Andrew: Your hired! *hic* I always wanted to take you to ardougne zoo...hehehe...
Mod Emilee: 0.0
....Erm...anyways...after getting the autograph (after a nice ten-minutes of one hell of a clusterfuck)
and spending fifteen minutes arranging spiders onto their proper tiles...which they just scurrey off of right after you finish organizing them , thus in no way that puzzle contributed fuck all to the band... (you just got poe'ned...what I found it funny! - Mark Gerhard) it's time to party! Talk to Pumpkin Pete and let the party* begin....
- Disclaimer- Once you realise that all the other people on the dancefloor are NPC's scripted to dance, you will feel like a real dumbass for dancing along with them and for trying to pick up the "chick" in orange and black. You will realise that THE PARTY WAS A LIE only after these actions have occured.
YAY!! Now its reward time! You will recieve a bone brooch that has the ability to turn you into a pile of bones....Oh look who's ranting about this one, why that's quite the suprise! Now you probably want to see how Grim is enjoying the party! Uhoh....oh my....you should've reallly confiscated thsoe ashes and that rope when you had the chance...jesus what kind of a friend are you?! After all, you should have known that when Jagex releases an update (especially a sesonal event related one) , it's gonna blow 9 times out of 10...You really relied on a Jagex party to cheer up Ol' Grim? That's assisted suicide!
Well sir, we will see you in court
NOTE- As you can tell my creative juices ran dry halfway through this page....I'll probably edit it after some
pr0nz herblore sleep midget kicking kebabs final fantasy 13.
Not to mention that my past tense is so differenciated in this article that you would think I too drank too much booze but that is sadly not the case..
- After a week of delays (damn that ff13) I am addicted to it and I need to go back to rehab, this page will have to do with mistakes for now :p*
- grabs xb360 controller*....stop fucking killling me you stoopid turtle!!!