The average Goblin.

Goblins are small green creatures who resemble melting turds. They inhabit many places around Gielinor, mostly places surrounded by Noobs, who insist upon fighting these creatures to improve social status and combat 'skills', where in reality they have achieved nothing more than to marinate in the bollocks that is the learning curve of Noobism.

The Goblin Story of Creation

Once upon a time, at the high peak of Jagex Mountain, Andrew Gower decided he needed some incredibly stupid minions. Taking his supermegaawesomefoxyhot powers he created what is now known as the P Mod Squad.

The Mods, being incapable of doing their job, put together some strange shapes out of green Play-Doh and cast some Evil Mod Black Magicks on these to animate them. They were not created in the Mod's image, not by a long shot, because as everyone knows, Mods are gigantic lemons built from intergalactic spaghetti.


Goblins have been known to drop a variety of completely useless items, such as hammers, and tinderboxes. Some noobs see looting items such as these a "get rich quick scheme." Every several hundred thousand kills, it is believed that Goblins have a chance of dropping 9000 gp. Many noobs take advantage of such drops, and make several "mils" very quickly.

The Goblin Epidemic

As is well known, the P Mods are attempting to take over Jagex Mountain with weapons bought from their Merching Scam-Clans. They have used allmost all of the enchanted Play-Doh to create a Goblin Army. The aforementioned army should wipe out the Jagex army of noobs.


  • Goblins are the biggest threat towards Noobs that is humanly possible. These Noobs insist upon fighting them to 'Show off' and have been known to fall at the hands of Goblins many times.
  • The word Goblin comes from a Latin phrase meaning 'Andrew Gower is a social recluse.'
  • You just wasted several minutes of your life by reading a badly written attack at Jagex. Congratulations!

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