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Chaotic longsword

This is what they look like up close


The chaotic longsword, also known as the leet hax sword, or the l33t h4xx0r3d requires 80 minigaming to wield and can only be obtained by purchasing one from the harmless rewards trader at Daemonheim for 200k reward tokens.




CreationEdit

As usual, Jagex wanted to find a way to break the combat triangle further by adding new overpowered melee weapons to the game, but there was something getting in the way. That thing being Jagex Logic of course.

You see, abysmal demons require 85 Slayer to kill and are the source of abysmal whips, because these whips are one of the main reasons why players train Slayer, if a new weapon more powerful than the whip were introduced in a way which wasn't illogical enough, said weapon would be eaten from the inside by bugs from another dimension(abysmal leeches to be precise.)

This led the Jagex staff to believe that the only thing worse than an abysmal weapon, is one made of pure chaos. To create one, they first hired chaos theorists, but all they did was talk about how Real Life is complex because it has both Real and Imaginary components.

Jagex then tried stealing one from World of Warcraft. Unfortunately, the USB with the sword of a thousand truths on it was entrusted to a noob who set it on fire because he thought it was a birthday candle.

They tried grinding one from essence of Guthix(in other words, spam) but all that did was get them 200 mil cooking exp(and a permaban for macroing.)

Finally, they remembered that Zamorak is the god of chaos and asked him how to make a weapon entirely out of it. Zamorak's reply was as follows:

"Chaos is all across Prunescape, just ask any player and they'll tell you. One day you're swinging a rune scimitar; the next day, it's a blue popsicle. One day, a girl has a boot obsession; the next day, the boots are gone and she's a billionaire for some reason. One day, you think you've quit Prunescape; the next day, you think you're playing WoW until months later you realize that Prunescape's name was changed to Worlds of Runecraft. One day you guys shut down the wild to stop RWT; the next, you bring back the wild because you don't actually give a **** about RWT and apparently bots are combattable now.

With this in mind, in order for something in Prunescape to actually be chaotic, it has to be relatively stable(in other words, you don't nerf it 2 days after release,) and not be quite as shitty as everything else is(Dung is merely crap, not shit.)"

Jagex did not completely understand what Zamorak was trying to tell them but they did realize what the source of all chaos in Runescape was. That night, they went to Mod Mark's house, chopped down all the trees in his yard, sprayed windex across all his windows and locked him in a dungeon whilst they raided his desks for "essence of Jagex."

So basically, the chaotic weapons are made out of bullshit. Normally weapons are made of metal, but these ones are made of pure shit and therefore must be very powerful.


Degrading and RechargingEdit

Since this weapon is not actually made of pure chaos, abysmal leeches do in fact eat it from the inside while it's being used, however, unlike the ancient warrior equipment, chaotic weapons do not turn to dust when they've been completely consumed. Instead, after 10 hours of combat, they just lose their stats and can be fully recharged for 2mil gp or for 200k along with 20k Minigaming reward tokens.

This is partly because even though the weapon's flesh is weak, its bullshit is very willing.


TriviaEdit

  • Before an update on April 21st 2010, chaotic equipment costed twice as much. Because of this, these weapons are not truly chaotic(a chaotic update would be one where Jagex gets it right the first time.)
  • Since they contain essence of Jagex, chaotic longswords can effectively hack the game and crash servers. Oh, did I mention they have a very high max hit?
  • Chaotic Longswords have no special attack, er, nevermind, they freaking hack the game everytime you swing one! That in itself is a special attack.

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