One way to confuse the game

Warning, this article has been infected by the peanut gallery, expect plenty of @@@@@@@@

Castle Wars, also known as Spam, the musical,@@@@@@@@@@@@ is an old classic Capture the Flag (and get the unholy shit blown out of you by a million ballistas) minigame from back when no one cared@@@@@@@@@@@@. It is located near...actualy its in the middle of @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@nowhere, so your best bet is to get a ring of dueling (but of course someone is merchanting them) so now you have to walk the whole way from Camelot (sucks to be you amirite?)@@@@@@@@@

The game has a really cheesy "saradomin vs zamorak" setting,@@@@@@@@@@@ so unless you want to make the same mistake as soul wars,@@@@ by joining the "destruction is kewl" idoits, join the Saradomin side. Unforually no matter which side you join, your screen is going to be filled with it least 100 idoits spamming @@@@@@stfuspammers!!@@@@@@@spanishinquision@@@@@@@@@ and lets not forget about the bloody furries running around as bunnies, sheep, imps and Christ knows what else.flash1:wave:@@@@@@@@@@WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@look mommy, I'm spamming@@@@@@@@@@!!!1111111111111!!!!!!########!£(*!£!$*)DUUUR HURRR DERP!111111111133333333333
Guys seriously.... SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! (I'm a hardcore 13 yr old kid behind my computer, ho ho ho)

Once the game starts, there is a 97% chance that you're going to lagg out due to a full blown DDoS attack in the spawn room along with it least 100 people yelling out "For Sparta/Narina/DisneyWorld!!!". And don't think about trying to go across that bridge, because theres 50 tonnes of LOLURDEAD Balliastia arrows with your name on them. Your only other choice is to either go underground and have the peanut gallery literally drop on you like a ton on bricks, or the stepping stones, which also has 2 ballistias and enough ice barrages to start a new ice age. You sir, have been cockblocked! Speaking of which, the Grim Reaper must have fapped himself dry watching 2k players run around spamming and destorying each other like world 2 with a pvp glitch. (credit to Stormy Times for this one) Another problem is the sodding catapult, since any dipstick can use it, your going to get 500's mashed out of you with freindly fire, or it could be the fact that someone is grabbing 100 flares and spamming up 90 messages a second, along with giving everyone else critcal brain damage. You may also see some lvl 56 breaking all mortal bonds of stupidity, by barricading himself in a corner and dancing like a complete retard until someone gives him a slap in the bake with an Armadyl Godsword. Oh, lets not forget those butthurt veterians who are probly rioting about Jagex actually improving a minigame for once. (inb4 Bullshit link)

One of the most overused tactics for winning is "flag-holding" or"(F)ucking (L)aggy (A)nnoying (G)ame-holding" which involves intendualy not returning your own flag to the base, making a 100 man wall somewhere, make fun of the other team's mothers, then have the flagholder run around like a headless chicken until the other team ragequits. This usually works....unless someone "kindly" voliteers to be the tank, then does a 100mph runner back into the base and resets the flag. Either way, you will see plenty of people on forums bawww'ing about this as we speak.

Unlike Soul Wars, if you try to leave in the middle of a game, you can easily try to join the other team and get the full reward if they win (oh expoltable), the only problem with this is that you're going to have to sit next to a sack of 9 year olds, "WE LOSS!!"2!!@@@@@@", "ZOMFGASAURS REX!!! 23 MIN TO WAIT!!1?!~" and "zomfg BUNNIESSS!!!¬¬!!fail!!" spamming your chat box, having to sit though this is like the equalant of being forced to watch a fan-made "Sonic/Twilight corssover", Clockwork Orange style. The game checks for free space every minute, so your best bet is to click the very centre of your chat box, so that you will ALWAYS get in, and leave everyone else baww'ing and sending threating pm's calling you a hacker.

The Rewards?
Uncastlewars armour1

Castle Wars armour, no batteries included


  • Rusted promethium armour with steel stats (24 tickets)
  • Rusted Fractitearmour with mithril stats (240 tickets)
  • Rusted Gorgonite with adamant stats (2400 tickets)
  • Rusted....I have no scrap metal??? armour with...which I'm going to assume, rune stats
  • This isn't like Stealing Creation, where it takes about an hour to get a full set of rune, it takes about 3450 tickets...and you only get 2 per game (if you win...or team-stack every game). This means that it would take you 1700 hours of non-stop gaming, which by then the Sun would have burnt out, and your failure in life will be studied by alien historians. (unless your name is Skiller 703)
  • And for those who must insist on buying crap, there is potion sets which can only be used inside castle wars (its better value buying real ones)
  • Useless capes showing how much of no-life you truly have.
  • Some sort of energy shield that looks like something out of Halo, (less prayer than a falador sheild 3, making it pointless)
  • Some....halos....(lolredunacy),
  • And the Ballistia, A big-ass unnessary chuck of wood, which someone will blow up on you in 4 seconds, BOOM! Ballistia vista, baby!!! (gf 12 tickets)

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