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Cabbage

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Cabbage is a term which is only truly understood by some of the Mods at the top of Jagex's hiarchy, The Great Ditto and its Trainer. The existence of Cabbage dates back to Runescape Classic in which *ed words would be replaced with "Cabbage." Some say that Cabbage is just a vegetable that can be eaten and used to train the Farming skill but the truth is: Runescape and all of its existence revolves around one Cabbage.

The Subplot that Jagex doesn't want you to know aboutEdit

Cabbage was originally a computer program developed by C.Babbage. Babbage wanted to create an artificial that would completely simulate Real Life but he could not get any program he wrote to do so. He soon realized that the problem he was faced with was that his program could not understand what he wanted it to do(much like the Noobs of today.) The code he wrote was perfect but he could not get a computer to run it and instead it would repeatedly ask him the question

"What is the meaning of life?"

Unable to figure out the answer to this question, he passed his program down to his descendants until finally it ended up in the hands of a human being known as Jas. Jas's good friend Andrew had just beaten the Elite Four for the umpteenth time when suddenly his game froze and he was forced to switch pokemon(ice attacks are super effective against computers.) Realizing that his Ditto would suffocate if left in the realm of pointless warfare any longer, he transferred it to Jas's computer(All 20 of his cardboard boxes were filled with duplicates of Mew.)

Until this moment, Jas had been maintaining his not-so-great grandfather's program by watering it on a regular basis. He had given up on figuring out the answer to the meaning of life and was about to delete the Cabbage Program but stopped when he saw Guthix mating with it. The Cabbage asked Guthix what the meaning of life was, to which, Guthix replied

"get high and eff things up!"

The Cabbage accepted this answer and since then, getting high levels of exp(the most traded drug on the streets of Varrock,) and using effigies to get even higher has been what Runescape is all about. After receiving this answer, Guthix and the Cabbage gave birth to Runescape(in the process, the Cabbage became a stone still known to some as the "Cabbage of Jas.") Jas wanted to become God of this new world and created the very first Runescape character using code from the original Cabbage. As he played the game and gained Exp, he did not notice that his life was slowly slipping away. After getting 99 in every skill, Jas died and respawned in Lumbridge. He had done everything he could do in the game but he still wasn't God. He could not get back to Cambridge and there was nothing except sheer boredom left in Runescape. Not wanting to die a virgin, Jas rightclicked his pants and dropped them as he approached Guthix.

Thus, the entity known as Jagex was born...

Significance Edit

Among the upper employees of Jagex, the word Cabbage is associated with profanity. Cabbage is sometimes used as an alternative to the words "shit," "fuck," and of course "Rush Limbaugh" ("Oh Cabbage! Cabbage is on the radio again!!!") This is because Jagex is in denial of this incident ever occurring. They may claim that Jagex is just a company and Runescape is just a game but if you've read this article then you would know otherwise. To this day, Andrew sometimes mocks his colleagues by putting cabbages in random places(such as his clanchat and the notes tab.)

TriviaEdit

  • All modern descendants of Cabbage contain Guthix's DNA
  • The Cabbage near Draynor Manor is over 9000 years old and has not been refrigerated. This makes it more powerful than its younger counterparts(as seen in Black Knight's Fortress.)
  • In Prunescape, there are no Cabbages, there are however, Prunes
  • Heavy consumption of Cabbage is the reason why Farts are in the game
  • Brassica Prime is the very first Cabbage, its archenemy is Optimus Prime, the very first macroer
  • There is a typo in the game which has yet to be fixed. When eating a cabbage the screen will display "You eat the cabbage, Yuck!" when what it really should say is "You just ate a cabbage, Fuck!"
  • Getting high and effing things up is the reason why most UnUpdates take place.
  • According to Juna, Cabbage is the vegetable of Guthix. Cabbage is currently in its vegetative state due to Guthix pushing it to its limit.

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