"This book is of excellant quality - the print is the perfect thickness for wiping one's arse." - Wise Old Man

"What on earth makes you think I would want a book consisting of five pages?!" - Reldo the Librarian

Mein Kampf Betrayal at Falador is the official novel written by Herr Hitler T.S Church. It has sold millions a couple of copies worldwide.


The story starts in Falador (Duh), centralising around the adventures of one ordinary player. This player takes an exciting and dangerous route through Lumbridge all the way to Varrock, even near the inpenetrable Dark Mage's Circle (Just a sort of brick built thing surrounded by hoodies.). The story finishes when the player dies at the hands of an uberleet Varrock Guard and is miraculously sent back to the beautiful and illustrious village of Lumbridge. She is from there lynched by a horde of terrifying Noob-Creatures.


"The door slammed shut behind her as she walked slowly into Falador Castle. She approached Sir Givinghead and uttered the words he had been waiting to hear... "PHR33 ST00F PL0X!". He immiediately spun on his heels, racing towards her, replying with a quick "Haha nub, I got 100k!". She looked through the window, forlorn. She was uncertain of her future. She had an urge to leave, converging towards the door in a flurry of movement with a crushing shout of "kthanxbai"."

"On her way past the winding road of Goblin Village, she was confronted by a barbaric sight; the largest black bear she had ever witnessed. It reared on it's hind legs, powering down towards her, to pummel her to the dirt. Instead, a flat red splat appeared with the number 23 on it. She struck the air in front of the bear with her leet staff, and it curled up and died in front of her. She let out a victory cry of "GF, Nub!". As she reached into her invisible backpack she puled out an entire Tuna and crammed it into her mouth whole. She let out a moan of relief as her wounds miraculously healed and a weird bar above her head became more engulfed in healthy green."

"She felt the warm glow of blue around her as she landed back on her feet. As she touched the ground she opened her eyes, and before her was a terrifying scene: A herd of wild Noobs. They swarmed around her, screeching in their foul and murderous language, barely distinguishable shrieks of "3 stuff plz", "My main's lvl 218!" and "Doubling moneyy! 5k test!!". She steeled herself against the oncoming slaughter, but it was no good. They took the three valuable items she had left, and our tragic heroine was left without her steel platebody, rainbow boots and 1gp. It was a devastating and terrible affair. To this day it is not spoken about and it's like has never been seen again on the land of Gielinor.


  • The book was sold over Amazon. It stated that "People who bought 'Betrayal at Falador' also bought 'Siemens paper shredder'."
  • On it's first day of release, 'Betrayal at Falador' sold just under 2 copies. This is seen as a victory for the book making industry.
  • When interviewed on the forums, Andrew Gower stated "Book? What book?". In a later interview it was revealed that Gower, like 94% of RuneScape's players was illiterate.
  • Betrayal at Falador, counting the covers and title page has five pages, a new high in the world of literature.

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