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Aizen

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Warning: This article contains spoilers to a quest that has not even be released yet! If by any chance, the quest is released(lolwut?) and the information in this article turns out to be completely inaccurate or you wish to complain about how this is just Cock and Bull, it is strongly recommended that you read this article.


Moving on...


Aizen is a being first encountered in The Ritual of the Jagexmad quest(aka the shit that some people actually do care about.) During the quest Azzanadra and Lucien finally face off in an epic showdown in which they both use up nearly all of their power and tire each other out. Seeing an opportunity, a lightbulb flashed above Zemoureghal's head

"OMG GAIS, HOW ABOUTZ WE SACRIFICE 2 PPLZ INSTEADZ OF ONES?"

The other Jagexmad wholeheartedly agreed as they picked up Lucien and Azzanadra, tied them to a stone table and forced them to read through the threads in the Compliments Forum(not a traditional part of the ritual but still an effective way to sap the life out of someone.)

In true Jagex style, the quest was rushed and the next part was not released until 2 weeks later(the second part being called The Lyin', The Snitch and The Reward Robe.) But even then, the quest was still not finished and the last quarter of the quest(in which you are warped in order to visit the occult) was delayed until December 2012(their update calendar officially ending in November.)

After Azzanadra and Lucien both died, their life force rose simultaneously and combined to form Aizen, a creature with so much hax that he was able to shoop da whoop the entire quest area and delete the wilderness wall. Yes, you heard right, an npc actually UnUpdated the game(Jagex's monkeys went on strike.) Aizen used his powers to kill all the other Jagexmad(whose plots were developing at a rate slower than continental drift,) and condensed the stone of jas into its portable cabbage form(planning to later embed the cabbage of jas into his own body.)

Fighting AizenEdit

don'tlookathissword! don'tlookathissword! don'tlookahshityoulooked!


<this part of the article has been tampered with by Aizen himself... or so you think>

Perhaps you should ask about it in the next Q&A session.

Q: How I kill Aizen?

A: In Soviet Russia, car drives you!

OMFG that tree stump is da hawtness!!

Saradomin? All this time he was just a rusty spoon.

Zamorak? Tomato in a blender.

Guthix? Uh... He's a...a...um... <No! My hax is fading!>

System Error, 404, Page Not Found

<Blue Screen of Death is good no?>

I love the community!

These updates are the greatest!

When Jagex nerfed climbing boots, I was soooo mad, but after I read that thread filled with contradictions and unneccessary garbage, it all made sense!

</Aizen's influence>


Strategy For Defeating AizenEdit

First what you have to do is get 99 in everything, this is so that Aizen can reset all your stats to 1(game experience is just an illusion.)

Next you have to find several hundreds of other players who are also trying to kill Aizen. Once brought to him, they will also dissapear(friendship in Runescape is also an illusion. There are no other players, just really predictable npcs. And there are no female npcs in Runescape, just really girly men. Humanity is an illusion)

This leaves you with only one other logical alternative: finding an npc even stronger than Aizen. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris's cc is constantly being spammed and Guthix, as usual, is sleeping. (Chuck Norris is not fooled by illusions, illusions are fooled by Chuck Norris.)

You will now have to try to glitch Aizen. It turns out that Aizen, along with every one of Runescape's other UnUpdates is a glitch  and unless Jagex wishes it, he cannot be corrected. (In Runescape there is no content, just stuff which shouldn't be there. High-Level Content is an oxymoron, for high-levelled players can never be content. Their pleasure is an illusion)

Realizing Aizen's weakness, you start pking and rant about him on the forums. Within 2 days, Aizen is removed from the game.
Congratulations, you have just beat Runescape! (WTF, I waited months for THIS?!)

TriviaEdit

  • Once defeated, Aizen drops the sword of 1000 lies
  • According to Aizen, Runescape is just a figment of your imagination and nothing that happens in it has any significance or really matters in what he refers to as "the grand scheme of things"
  • Aizen also revealed that Jagex never existed and that every so-called blunder was intentionally designed to tick players off.
  • Forum Moderators are Aizen's creations. He created them by taking hollow logs and exposing them to the cabbage of jas.
  • Aizen also has a legion of 10 elite Jagexmad known as the Exarmada. These include Markagan, Fappibelle and Von Bolt
  • Morytania is actually a pleasant valley containing friendly wildlife and wondrous scenery. It is because of Aizen's influence that you see it as a swamp.
  • All references to Real Life in Runescape are an illusion. With one exception.
  • Bullshit is not an illusion
  • Internet memes are not illusions
  • The Cake
  • Illusions are against The Spirit of the Game(which is a lie, not an illusion)
  • Quests are an illusion, your character never really goes anywhere, you never really do anything, there is no reward.
  • Saradomin is an illusion, there is no spoon.
  • Guthix, unfortunately, is real

Updates on Aizen since this article's creationEdit

  • This article is a joke on how Jagex can release a series of quests which players think is amazing, thus building up anticipation for an exciting conclusion, and then when the time comes for the series to end (which is usually several years since the last quest was released,) they completely forget what they were planning to do and release a rushed piece of garbage which fails to properly end the series.
  • Examples of poor finales include Fairy Tale Part 3 and Salt in the Wound, also, you may have noticed that the quest Within the Light was not like its previous quests at all (not necessarily a bad thing.)
  • The Chosen Commander is an exception. Props to Mod John A for giving the cave goblins a thrilling conclusion, now please don't fuck up the final Dwarf quest. Players weren't too thrilled with King of the Dwarves after all.
  • The Void Stares Back is not a case of Aizen. This is partly because all the void knight quests were released during the same year and also because most players were too busy ranting about Climbing Boots so their expectations for the quest weren't too over the top.
  • Aizen's weapon of choice is an Ornate Katana. Unlike the one availlable to rwters however, this katana has better stats than a chaotic maul and comes with a special attack which hacks your senses so much... you'll be wishing you could do Underground Pass, MEpt2 and Elemental Mindfuck III all over again.

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