"2010 will be the year of awesomeness." Will it arse. Its just 2009 all over again, and competes for the worst year of RuneScape ever. (Now thats what you call progress, ammirite?) What follows is a list of updates that were just plain shite. With the final update of note released, the list is complete, providing Jagex don't decide to make Dragon Scimitars 3M or something.

Machinima Tool - The Orb of OculusEdit

Concept: An in-game item that would let you create and record your own videos. Jagex offered 2 suggestions, killing the KBD with a bronze dagger (how very creative.) and a pathetic reference to Excl's video, which was a pointless mess of unfunniness and MMG-arse licking.

Reality: What followed was a ton of astronomically shit RuneScape videos onto poor old YouTube. Worthless Pking videos, talentless kids spamming the Air Guitar emote over some music, and...erm...thats it.

Rune MechanicsEdit

Concept: Pointless low level quest brought to the level 50s at the subscription fee payers expense.

Reality: Jagex are yet to realise updates made entirely out of 'you can only do it once' content are generally a bit crap, especially when you pull a frail new backstory out of the 'rejected ideas' bin. People didn't even notice it was there.


Concept: The embarrasingly named Pikkenmix has found special glowing obelisks into the Summoning realm. What follows is a 20 minute cross between Hide 'n' Seek and an Easter Egg hunt, minus any fun.

Reality: The idea is, if you're going to make a D+D, at least make it so you have an actual chance of coming across it at random. However Jagex seemed to do their absolute best to make this nigh-on impossible to come across, and even more annoying to deliberately find. The actual thing wasn't any better, a dull walk (Not run, walk.) through the world's most underwhelming acid trip, collecting shards until something randomly kills you. It took Jagex a whole 24 hours to decide they weren't going to change a thing, and a week later it duly died.

Changes to the Hitpoints SkillEdit

Concept: Change the name from Hitpoints to Constitution, and multiply everything by 10.

Reality: No one liked it. (What a surprise!) Many people wanted it changed back, which didn't happen. The whole thing was reluctantly forgotten in 2 weeks, although people still find Jagex's excuse for this funny - apparently they only did this because new players don't like seeing zeros.

Bonus XP Weekend!Edit

Concept: Jagex devaluing the game so you don't have to.

Reality: The economy had an epileptic fit, the no lifers acted in a similar way, and nothing of value was lost. Well, maybe the sense of achievement a MMO is meant to give, but who cares about that. More tea, Alice?

The Blood PactEdit

Concept: Jagex annoying the f2pers, giving them an update that appeals to the level 3s, and thats it.

Reality: After the common or gardan anger that occured on the usual forums, Jagex attempted to shut them up by telling them its a tutorial quest. And then people asked why the new players suddenly needed one. Jagex walked right into that trap, really.

Fish FlingersEdit

Concept: Another D+D based off fishing.

Reality: Jagex had not learned off Familiarisation that people now automatically dismiss D+Ds as shit updates, and churned out another dull 10 minute shelf life update for people to laugh at. The D+D itself was doing the exact same thing for 15 minutes. 7 days later and it was forgotten.

Egg-streme ManagementEdit

Concept: Obligatory and pointless Easter Event, complete with pink obese rabbit.

Reality: Jagex swear up and down that they're not targeting the game at kids, and then release THIS sort of thing. Complete with a glitch that allowed you to kill squirrels, which would have actually made it fun if not for Jagex deciding fun isn't allowed.

Forums Reshuffle (Forum Update)Edit

Concept: Andrew Gower had a dream about making the forums an easier to use place. I had a dream about killing David Cameron, doesn't mean its actually going to happen.

Reality: The update blasted the shit out of the forums, reducing it to a pile of disorganised message boards. When nearly EVERYONE wanted to know WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? Andrew Gower stepped up, snivelling and timidly explained it took them a long time to make. And he expected that to be passed off as a legit reason for it to stay. Several months later, he's still in hiding, shivering with fear.

Elemental Workshop 3Edit

Concept: Sequel to Elemental Workshop 2.

Reality: A dull quest with a ridiculous, convoluted and broken puzzle. People immediately dismissed any chance of EW4. The Body equipment that you could create and wear once you'd beaten the quest had the exact same stats as Mind equipment. EW4 did actually come out, along with even more irrelevant equipment based off Chaos and Cosmic runes. It wasn't as bad as this, mind.

Court CasesEdit

Concept: The court section from A King's Ransom turned into a D+D. Complete with the ability to prosecute/defend the Mugger, Rick Turpentine, and...some others, because Jagex ran out of ideas after that.

Reality: Only way to start was to get 'court summons' which were only obtained from inefficient training methods, a bit like Richard Desmond plugging Channel 5 in the Daily Express. In addition to the crap gameplay itself, the crap rewards and the glaring fact its an entire update made out of a paper-thin section of a quest, there was only about 50 minutes worth of content there.

Giant Screaming Pointless Clanger of a 'Fix' 2010 v1Edit

Concept: Make Climbing Boots 75k.

Reality: Tee hee!

Ancient EffigiesEdit

Concept: Yet...another...D+D.

Reality: Attempted to be a bit like the Penguin Hide and Seek by letting you spend the reward exp in any stat you like, but each one wanted levels in the 90s, which for 95% of the population meant spamming 'Need 95 Construction assist' in the Grand Exchange. Pointed out a massive (and still unfixed) flaw in the Assist System, while no lifers whined on the forums about RuneScape being devalued again. Nowadays trying to use what was the most effective way of getting an assistance - World 117 Deamonheim is now an absolute train wreck of petty minded 138s charging people 400k for a Construction assist. Go there right now if you don't believe me.

Elite Treasure Trails and New RewardsEdit

Concept: Everyone's favorite pointless LuckScape item gets an overhaul.

Reality: What followed was an absolute ton of items which only served the purpose to be bought out/dumped 24/7. 3rd Age Druidic was crap, there were a ton of ugly masks, and the 'god bows' became overpriced junk.


Concept: Pointless and dull minigame attempting to rival Mobilising Armies for sheer crapness.

Reality: No one under the age of 25 likes chess. Its the world's most boring beat-em-up on an outdated wooden console. Kids these days prefer smashing things up often and fast, not concentrating on where to move a small wooden figure next.

Court Cases - Back in SessionEdit


Reality: Attempting to revive a dead D+D with a few new cases, but none of the problems sorted at all. The community couldn't wait to ignore it.

Bonus XP Weekend 2Edit

Concept: The first Bonus XP weekend made the economy go mental, but seeing as Jagex don't play their own game, noticed no problems at all and made a second one.

Reality: Attempting to actually do any training during this weekend was disrupted by a strange glitch which turned all of the in-game music into what appeared to be the sound of an entire gaming community smacking their hands on their foreheads.

Gunnar's GroundEdit

Concept: Paper-thin 'romance' quest designed to replace the original Romeo and Juliet quest. That quest was rewarding and funny. This isn't.

Reality: 12 year old girls and weeaboos loved it, but lets be honest now, they'd try to justify the Columbine Massacre if the killers were wearing Ouran High School Host Club masks. Everyone else was too busy doing something worthwhile, like losing their banks in PvP.

Charm Sprite HuntingEdit

Concept: Another D+D, this one based on the Hunter and Summoning skills. Basically Impeteous Impulses without any form of reward.

Reality: A boring, slow way to train both Hunter and Summoning. People correctly dismissed it as irrelevant, and Jagex stupidly said that it wasn't designed to be the best way to train those skills. Most unsupported/crap D+Ds last a week before falling into disuse. By telling the truth the one time doing so would be detrimental, Jagex managed to kill off Charm Sprite Hunting in 2 days flat.

Dungeoneering - The Warped FloorsEdit

(Added by request.)

Concept: The final batch of floors in the Dungeons of Deamonheim, minus any incentive to actually do them.

Reality: Generally, if you're going to make a 'elite level update' at least give us the bloody incentive to do it. No one would have bothered with Nomad if it didn't offer the best respawn point in the game along with an inexpensive brilliant cape. 113 Dungeoneering is one hell of a lot, and all of it is going unrewarded, seeing as you've probably bought everything worth buying a long, long time ago. The creature base for the floors was also a joke - Skeletons, Zombies, Earth Warriors and Animated Pickaxes...really?

Tasks and Skill TargetsEdit

Concept: If its not broken, break it. Jagex decided on a whim that the Objectives tab and the Achievement Diaries had to go. No reason why, just they had to go.

Reality: The Achievement Diaries, replacing it with a gigantic pile of extremely trivial 'tasks' which due to the wording made it seem like a list of chores rather than 'Achievements'. Objectives were now presented in an interface so cheap and tacky you'll check to see you're not playing some malware-ridden free MMO, and it took a week to restore it to anything moderately decent. Also, having not learnt a thing from ClimbingBootsGate, Jagex decided to randomly give the vast majority of higher level players several hundred thousand coins.

Herblore HabitatEdit

Concept: Velociprey, Baron Sharks and Bad Juju.

Reality: Like all bad updates, it had problems before it even started. What was this meant to be? D+D? Minigame? Dietary advice? Even Jagex didn't seem to know. People were so angry with the complete fuck-ups that Jagex brought along with it on the same day, they immediately dismissed it as an attempt to hide said fuck ups, which in all fairness, it was.

Giant Screaming Pointless Clanger of a 'Fix' 2010 v2Edit

Concept: Jagex decided on a whim the 'options list' when you say, die and come back to loot your grave needs a sub-menu for EVERY SINGLE ITEM THERE. So instead of just "Take Dragon Boots, Take Shark, Take Death Rune" its "Dragon Boots > Take Dragon Boots, Shark > Take Shark, etc."

Reality: Next time you die or kill someone in PvP and theres more than 15 items on the floor (which there almost always is) you can look forward to having to spend over three times as long picking up said items. Anyone who's actually played RuneScape would know what a shit idea that would be...but it is Jagex. Interestingly, Mod Mark H wasn't around to hysterically blame the players for this as usual, but Jagex had been nice enough to plaster his pixelated girlfriend all over the website.

Damage Soaking + Damage ControlEdit

Concept: Attention Pkers! Punch, scream and kick the desk, because Defence has got an update and theres nothing you can do about it! Now your special attacks have even less chance to kill your opponent, who also has the advantage of the 'Captain Obvious' damage splats to realise when you've switched combat styles!

Reality: Half-arsing is common with Jagex, and was scrawled all over the update in black permanent marker. Jagex's pointless refusal to change from the Damage - 200 % Soak percentage = Damage Taken meant that very rarely would you actually get a benefit from the soaking. Hilarious clangers such as an Adamant kiteshield getting soak percentages while the increasingly worthless Dragonfire shield doesn't, along with the three Dungeoneering shields getting devalued to hell and back, meant this was just another piece of evidence that Jagex are throwing every single resource into the pointless Christmas event. Damage Control was also pointless, as nowadays PvP worlds aren't dangerous for the rushers, ancienters and general nutters, but because they will try to gouge your eyes out with a barrage of tiny sword icons. Furthermore, the damage splat covers the HP bar, which is additional proof to the colossal pile that Jagex don't play their own game.

Christmas Event (2010)Edit

Concept: Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas! Or, if you were expecting something with a bit of substance to it, bah, humbug!

Reality: What do you get when you get an ill-advised waste of resources and throw every single member of development staff into it? Overhyped crap, and thats what this is. Insultingly easy puzzles, a pointless focus on a joke no-one finds funny and a "multitude of reward items" which consisted of 2 10-minute shelf life items and a crap emote. Christmas on RuneScape couldn't be any worse unless your pet hamster Nibbles chewed through the electrical wires, disconnecting you the very second you recieve a Divine Sigil at Corporeal Beast LootShare.

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